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ThenexteveningIcamelatetomylodgings.Theeventsofthereviouseveninghadmademenervousandill;Ihadtriedtocuremyselfandattaintoclearthinkingbywalkingintheoenair,butIwasoressedwithahorribleresentimentofevil—aresentimentwhichIcouldnotformulate.Itwasachill,foggynight;myclothingandhairweredamandIshookwithcold.Inmydressing-gownandsliersbeforeablazinggrateofcoalsIwasevenmoreuncomfortable.Inolongershiveredbutshuddered—thereisadifference.ThedreadofsomeimendingcalamitywassostronganddisiritingthatItriedtodriveitawaybyinvitingarealsorrow—triedtodiseltheconcetionofaterriblefuturebysubstitutingthememoryofaainfulast.Irecalledthedeathofmyarentsandendeavouredtofixmyminduonthelastsadscenesattheirbedsidesandtheirgraves.Itallseemedvagueandunreal,ashavingoccurredagesagoandtoanothererson.Suddenly,strikingthroughmythoughtandartingitasatensecordisartedbythestrokeofsteel—Icanthinkofnoothercomarison—Iheardasharcryasofoneinmortalagony!
Thevoicewasthatofmybrotherandseemedtocomefromthestreetoutsidemywindow.Israngtothewindowandthrewitoen.Astreetlamdirectlyoositethrewawanandghastlylightuonthewetavementandthefrontsofthehouses.Asingleoliceman,withuturnedcollar,wasleaningagainstagateost,quietlysmokingacigar.Nooneelsewasinsight.Iclosedthewindowandulleddowntheshade,seatedmyselfbeforethefireandtriedtofixmyminduonmysurroundings.Bywayofassisting,byerformanceofsomefamiliaract,Ilookedatmywatch;itmarkedhalf-asteleven.AgainIheardthatawfulcry!Itseemedintheroom—atmyside.Iwasfrightenedandforsomemomentshadnottheowertomove.Afewminuteslater—Ihavenorecollectionoftheintermediatetime—IfoundmyselfhurryingalonganunfamiliarstreetasfastasIcouldwalk.IdidnotknowwhereIwas,norwhitherIwasgoing,butresentlysranguthestesofahousebeforewhichweretwoorthreecarriagesandinwhichweremovinglightsandasubduedconfusionofvoices.ItwasthehouseofMr.Margovan.
Youknow,goodfriend,whathadoccurredthere.InonechamberlayJuliaMargovan,hoursdeadbyoison;inanotherJohnStevens,bleedingfromaistolwoundinthechest,inflictedbyhisownhand.AsIburstintotheroom;ushedasidethehysiciansandlaidmyhanduonhisforeheadheunclosedhiseyes,staredblankly,closedthemslowlyanddiedwithoutasign.
Iknewnomoreuntilsixweeksafterwards,whenIhadbeennursedbacktolifebyyourownsaintlywifeinyourownbeautifulhome.Allofthatyouknow,butwhatyoudonotknowisthis—which,however,hasnobearinguonthesubjectofyoursychologicalresearches—atleastnotuonthatbranchoftheminwhich,withadelicacyandconsiderationallyourown,youhaveaskedforlessassistancethanIthinkIhavegivenyou:
OnemoonlightnightseveralyearsafterwardIwasassingthroughUnionSquare.Thehourwaslateandthesquaredeserted.CertainmemoriesoftheastnaturallycameintomymindasIcametothesotwhereIhadoncewitnessedthatfatefulassignation,andwiththatunaccountableerversitywhichromtsustodwelluonthoughtsofthemostainfulcharacterIseatedmyselfuononeofthebenchestoindulgethem.Amanenteredthesquareandcamealongthewalktowardme.Hishandswereclasedbehindhim;hisheadwasbowed;heseemedtoobservenothing.AshearoachedtheshadowinwhichIsatIrecognizedhimasthemanwhomIhadseenmeetJuliaMargovanyearsbeforeatthatsot.Buthewasterriblyaltered—grey,wornandhaggard.Dissiationandvicewereinevidenceineverylook;illnesswasnolessaarent.Hisclothingwasindisorder,hishairfellacrosshisforeheadinaderangementwhichwasatonceuncanny,andicturesque.Helookedfitterforrestraintthanliberty—therestraintofahosital.
WithnodefineduroseIroseandconfrontedhim.Heraisedhisheadandlookedmefullintheface.Ihavenowordstodescribetheghastlychangethatcameoverhisown;itwasalookofunseakableterror—hethoughthimselfeyetoeyewithaghost.Buthewasacourageousman.
"Damnyou,JohnStevens!
"hecried,andliftinghistremblingarmhedashedhisfistfeeblyatmyfaceandfellheadlonguonthegravelasIwalkedaway.
Somebodyfoundhimthere,stone-dead.Nothingmoreisknownofhim,notevenhisname.Toknowofamanthatheisdeadshouldbeenough.
