第9章 一个古怪的梦〔4〕
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orbid!
"Iinvoluntarilyejaculated,forsomehowIwasnotlookingforthatformofquestion,anditcaughtmealittleoffmyguard.ButIhastenedtomakeamendsformyrudeness,andsay,
"IsimlymeantIhadnothadthehonor—forIwouldnotdeliberatelyseakdiscourteouslyofafriendofyours.Youweresayingthatyouwererobbed—anditwasashame,too—butitaearsbywhatisleftoftheshroudyouhaveonthatitwasacostlyoneinitsday.Howdid…
"
Amostghastlyexressionbegantodeveloamongthedecayedfeaturesandshriveledintegumentsofmyguest'sface,andIwasbeginningtogrowuneasyanddistressed,whenhetoldmehewasonlyworkinguadee,smile,withawinkinit,tosuggestthataboutthetimeheacquiredhisresentgarmentaghostinaneighboringcemeterymissedone.
Thisreassuredme,butIbeggedhimtoconfinehimselftoseechthenceforth,becausehisfacialexressionwasuncertain.Evenwiththemostelaboratecareitwasliabletomissfire.Smilingshouldeseciallybeavoided.Whathemighthonestlyconsiderashiningsuccesswaslikelytostrikemeinaverydifferentlight.IsaidIlikedtoseeaskeletoncheerful,evendecorouslylayful,butIdidnotthinksmilingwasaskeleton'sbesthold.
"Yes,friend,
"saidtheoorskeleton,
"thefactsarejustasIhavegiventhemtoyou.Twooftheseoldgraveyards—theonethatIresidedinandonefurtheralonghavebeendeliberatelyneglectedbyourdescendantsoftodayuntilthereisnooccuyingthemanylonger.Asidefromtheosteologicaldiscomfortofit—andthatisnolightmatterthisrainyweather—theresentstateofthingsisruinoustoroerty.Wehavegottomoveorbecontenttoseeoureffectswastedawayandutterlydestroyed.
"Now,youwillhardlybelieveit,butitistrue,nevertheless,thatthereisn'tasinglecoffiningoodreairamongallmyacquaintance—nowthatisanabsolutefact.Idonotrefertoloweolewhocomeinaineboxmountedonanexress-wagon,butIamtalkingaboutyourhigh-toned,silver-mountedburial-case,yourmonumentalsort,thattravelunderblacklumesattheheadofarocessionandhavechoiceofcemeterylots—ImeanfolksliketheJarvises,andtheBledsoesandtheBurlings,andsuch.Theyareallaboutruined.
"
Themostsubstantialeoleinourset,theywere.Andnowlookatthem—utterlyuseduandoverty-stricken.OneoftheBledsoesactuallytradedhismonumenttoalatebarkeeerforsomefreshshavingstoutunderhishead.Itellyouitseaksvolumes,forthereisnothingacorsetakessomuchrideinashismonument.Helovestoreadtheinion.Hecomesafterawhiletobelievewhatitsayshimself,andthenyoumayseehimsittingonthefencenightafternightenjoyingit.Eitahsarechea,andtheydoaoorchaaworldofgoodafterheisdead,eseciallyifhehadhardluckwhilehewasalive.Iwishtheywereusedmore.NowIdon'tcomlain,butconfidentiallyIdothinkitwasalittleshabbyinmydescendantstogivemenothingbutthisoldslabofagravestone—andallthemorethatthereisn'tacomlimentonit.Itusedtohave:
'GONETOHISJUSTREWARD'
"Onit,andIwasroudwhenIfirstsawit,butbyandbyInoticedthatwheneveranoldfriendofminecamealonghewouldhookhischinontherailingandullalongfaceandreadalongdowntillhecametothat,andthenhewouldchuckletohimselfandwalkoff,lookingsatisfiedandcomfortable.SoIscratcheditofftogetridofthosefools.Butadeadmanalwaystakesadealofrideinhismonument.
"
"YondergoeshalfadozenoftheJarvisesnow,withthefamilymonumentalong.AndSmithersandsomehiredsecterswentbywithhisawhileago.Hello,Higgins,good-by,oldfriend!That'sMeredithHiggins—diedin44—belongstooursetinthecemetery—fineoldfamily—great-grandmotherwasanInjun—Iamonthemostfamiliartermswithhimhedidn'thearmewasthereasonhedidn'tanswerme.AndIamsorry,too,becauseIwouldhavelikedtointroduceyou.Youwouldadmirehim.Heisthemostdisjointed,sway-backed,andgenerallydistortedoldskeletonyoueversaw,butheisfulloffun.Whenhelaughsitsoundslikerasingtwostonestogether,andhealwaysstartsitoffwithacheeryscreechlikerakinganailacrossawindow-ane.
"
