第3章 黑猫〔3〕

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tOnenight,returninghome,muchintoxicated,fromoneofmyhauntsabouttown,Ifanciedthatthecatavoidedmyresence.Iseizedhim;when,inhisfrightatmyviolence,heinflictedaslightwounduonmyhandwithhisteeth.Thefuryofademoninstantlyossessedme.Iknewmyselfnolonger.Myoriginalsoulseemed,atonce,totakeitsflightfrommybodyandamorethanfiendishmalevolence,gin-nurtured,thrilledeveryfibreofmyframe.Itookfrommywaistcoat-ocketaen-knife,oenedit,grasedtheoorbeastbythethroat,anddeliberatelycutoneofitseyesfromthesocket!Iblush,Iburn,Ishudder,whileIenthedamnableatrocity.

Whenreasonreturnedwiththemorning—whenIhadsletoffthefumesofthenight'sdebauch—Iexeriencedasentimenthalfofhorror,halfofremorse,forthecrimeofwhichIhadbeenguilty;butitwas,atbest,afeebleandequivocalfeeling,andthesoulremaineduntouched.Iagainlungedintoexcess,andsoondrownedinwineallmemoryofthedeed.

Inthemeantimethecatslowlyrecovered.Thesocketofthelosteyeresented,itistrue,afrightfulaearance,buthenolongeraearedtosufferanyain.Hewentaboutthehouseasusual,but,asmightbeexected,fledinextremeterroratmyaroach.Ihadsomuchofmyoldheartleft,astobeatfirstgrievedbythisevidentdislikeontheartofacreaturewhichhadoncesolovedme.Butthisfeelingsoongavelacetoirritation.Andthencame,asiftomyfinalandirrevocableoverthrow,thesiritofPERVERSENESS.Ofthissirithilosohytakesnoaccount.YetIamnotmoresurethatmysoullives,thanIamthaterversenessisoneoftherimitiveimulsesofthehumanheart—oneoftheindivisiblerimaryfaculties,orsentiments,whichgivedirectiontothecharacterofMan.Whohasnot,ahundredtimes,foundhimselfcommittingavileorasillyaction,fornootherreasonthanbecauseheknowsheshouldnot?Havewenotaeretualinclination,intheteethofourbestjudgment,toviolatethatwhichisLaw,merelybecauseweunderstandittobesuch?Thissiritoferverseness,Isay,cametomyfinaloverthrow.Itwasthisunfathomablelongingofthesoultovexitself—toofferviolencetoitsownnature—todowrongforthewrong'ssakeonly—thaturgedmetocontinueandfinallytoconsummatetheinjuryIhadinflicteduontheunoffendingbrute.

Onemorning,incoolblood,Isliedanooseaboutitsneckandhungittothelimbofatree;—hungitwiththetearsstreamingfrommyeyes,andwiththebitterestremorseatmyheart;—hungitbecauseIknewthatithadlovedme,andbecauseIfeltithadgivenmenoreasonofoffence;—hungitbecauseIknewthatinsodoingIwascommittingasin—adeadlysinthatwouldsojeoardizemyimmortalsoulastolaceit—ifsuchathingwereossible—evenbeyondthereachoftheinfinitemercyoftheMostMercifulandMostTerribleGod.

Onthenightofthedayonwhichthiscrueldeedwasdone,Iwasarousedfromsleebythecryoffire.Thecurtainsofmybedwereinflames.Thewholehousewasblazing.Itwaswithgreatdifficultythatmywife,aservant,andmyself,madeourescaefromtheconflagration.Thedestructionwascomlete.Myentireworldlywealthwasswallowedu,andIresignedmyselfthenceforwardtodesair.

Iamabovetheweaknessofseekingtoestablishasequenceofcauseandeffect,betweenthedisasterandtheatrocity.ButIamdetailingachainoffacts—andwishnottoleaveevenaossiblelinkimerfect.Onthedaysucceedingthefire,Ivisitedtheruins.Thewalls,withoneexcetion,hadfallenin.Thisexcetionwasfoundinacomartmentwall,notverythick,whichstoodaboutthemiddleofthehouse,andagainstwhichhadrestedtheheadofmybed.Thelasteringhadhere,ingreatmeasure,resistedtheactionofthefire—afactwhichIattributedtoitshavingbeenrecentlysread.Aboutthiswalladensecrowdwerecollected,andmanyersonsseemedtobeexaminingaarticularortionofitwitheveryminuteandeagerattention.Thewords

"strange!

",

"singular!

"andothersimilarexressions,excitedmycuriosity.Iaroachedandsaw,asifgraveninbasreliefuonthewhitesurface,thefigureofagiganticcat.Theimressionwasgivenwithanaccuracytrulymarvellous.Therewasaroeabouttheanimal'sneck.

WhenIfirstbeheldthisaarition—forIcouldscarcelyregarditasless—mywonderandmyterrorwereextreme.Butatlengthreflectioncametomyaid.Thecat,Iremembered,hadbeenhunginagardenadjacenttothehouse.Uonthealarmoffire,thisgardenhadbeenimmediatelyfilledbythecrowd—bysomeoneofwhomtheanimalmusthavebeencutfromthetreeandthrown,throughanoenwindow,intomychamber.Thishadrobablybeendonewiththeviewofarousingmefromslee.Thefallingofotherwallshadcomressedthevictimofmycrueltyintothesubstanceofthefreshly-sreadlaster;thelimeofwhich,hadthenwiththeflames,andtheammoniafromthecarcass,accomlishedtheortraitureasIsawit.

AlthoughIthusreadilyaccountedtomyreason,ifnotaltogethertomyconscience,forthestartlingfactjustdetailed,itdidnotthelessfalltomakeadeeimressionuonmyfancy.FormonthsIcouldnotridmyselfofthehantasmofthecat;and,duringthiseriod,therecamebackintomysiritahalf-sentimentthatseemed,butwasnot,remorse.Iwentsofarastoregretthelossoftheanimal,andtolookaboutme,amongthevilehauntswhichInowhabituallyfrequented,foranotheretofthesamesecies,andofsomewhatsimilaraearance,withwhichtosulyitslace.